P.S. Some progress: 117 posts if you count this one!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Let me tell you about my last year's resolution. I closed my eyes, squeezed them real hard, and pledged to blog more in 2011. This is what I got: 116 posts in 2011 as opposed to 226 posts in 2010 (although I was unemployed for the most part of the year) which means in simple mathematics that I need to make 110 posts between today and tomorrow (almost as much as I blogged this entire year). Even if I had a factory of ideas, I won't be able to achieve that. But still, this blog did survive somehow and it is now 3 years old. You can close this tab now and come back next year. Oh... and Happy "New" Year!
Every beginning of a new year is an illusion of a new start. It is not hard to see that in reality it is not. Making resolutions is the silliest thing you would do in this case especially if they are of the kind: I will lose 5 Kilos, I will quit smoking, I will become a vegetarian, and the sort. Just remember the resolutions you made last new year, it is very unlikely that you remember what they were in the first place, but you know they were pretty strong. Then tell me about your progress on that one before making new resolutions. Woody Allen has a beautiful saying about that: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Seriously, if you feel the urge to tell me the story of your life, write a book, a memoir, and I promise to read it. And since you have such a talent of remembering every single detail of your life, making links to other tiny details from your days on earth, describing where every furniture in your house was placed and where you bought it from, and opening parentheses and closing them a hundred times per minute, then you should seriously consider writing that down, because, it is very unlikely that I will listen to you beyond the first sentence. Look, summaries would do just fine here, give me room to imagine the rest, I promise I will decorate the setting you describe myself, beautifully too, not exactly as it is in your head, but does it really matter? Let's make a deal, if we are conversing over a drink, the story of your life should either end before I finish my first drink or let me lend you a piece of paper and a pen.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Dear Hamra hipsters, it seems, in case you have not noticed, that Hamra street has been lately invaded by very ordinary people, unlike you of course, and as I care about you and your uniqueness and coolness, I must warn you and draw to your attention that you probably need to look for a new virgin street to occupy in 2012. Try Karakas Street.
P.S. Thanks Ralph for the inspiration
P.S. Thanks Ralph for the inspiration
There are women out there who tell you: Oh, my boyfriend, husband, lover, whatever, loves me so much, and cares about me and is so attentive to me, he even accompanies me to the hairdresser!!, and I wish to tell them: dears, dears, that he comes with you to the hairdresser is not a sign of love but a sign that he actually has no life.
Monday, December 26, 2011
This is one of the most hilarious stories I heard recently: a single guy who recently turned religious and stopped having sex told that his biggest frustration now is that in his dreams a sexy woman would appear and ask him for sex and he would say: sorry ma'am but I can't do that anymore! then he wakes up and starts banging his head against the pillow shouting at himself: it is okay in the dream! it is okay in the dream!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
You get a lot of "where do you see yourself in 5 years" questions at job interviews, and I wish to answer, I honestly don't know the answer to that but I know where I see myself in 30 years (if I live that long). I want to have an early retirement, do some gardening, enjoy some quality time with my grandchildren, and do drugs and some other illegal stuff.
Posted by Admin at 3:16 AM
Stereotyping isn't funny but this one is. I was at an international conference a few days ago and a number of humanitarian organizations had stands displaying some of their promotional material. A white European woman in one corner was so happy when she was approached by a guy who said: hello, I am from Afghanistan, can I have a brochure please. The woman said: Oh, sure, we have them in Arabic too! here. The Afghan only said: I'll take the English one, thank you.