I lately spent too much time at home which made me forget why I took the decision in the first place to lock myself in. In short, since I stopped going out I started enjoying every moment of my days and nights and then I had this sudden outburst of "loving life" and a rush to go out and meet the sun. So off I went to meet the sun and then...regret. Let me explain what going out in Beirut means these days: a reminder that the main problem of Lebanon is not "sectarianism" as I always thought (which does not bother me anymore by the way... because habit makes normal), no, surprisingly, the root cause, and note this in the introduction of a conflict analysis strategy about Lebanon if you are planning to draft one, is STUPIDITY. It is stupidity magnificently manifested in the view of the Hamra street from the sky, if you ever had the chance, during Christmas and New Year holidays. You will see a stupid woman (me loving life again) in the car, or more precisely, only the lower part of my body in the car and the rest hysterically protruding from the window with rage in my hair defying the laws of gravity, gazing madly at that stupid boy on his motorcycle trying to squeeze himself and his vespa between my car and a truck larger than the street itself confidently blocking the way while three stupid women are happily crossing the street right in front of my car with stacks of huge shopping bags inhaling the black dust coming out of the truck and so indifferent to the deafening noise of the street only to find themselves stuck with their shopping bags in the middle of that apocalyptic scene. I go back home, and as I was in front of the door of my house, I pledge not to be on this side of the door unless necessary. Then a beautiful thought crossed my mind: I will spend New Year's eve at home.
I've never understood the fuss people make around new year's eve. A friend once: "it is the electricity in the air. Man, can't you feel it?" Alas, I felt nothing, I still don't, and I am a hypersensitive person. I've drifted and I've moved away. I severed many ropes and ties until a day came and I realized I was utterly alone. I had always been alone, only at that moment I realized it. Had I been born an earlier time, I'm sure I would've become a hermit; that is the level of disgust I was filled with. The earth is dying and no one sees or feels or cares. Human's explosion is like that of a cancer and our whole way and philosophy of life is guilty. People consume, people are empty, and people and the earth and dying. To these people I say happy new year :) Kicking off the new year with a high level of cynicism. What's a better way to start.
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