Thursday, August 23, 2012


Prayers are a time investment too, like almost everything in life, but this is either the worst or the best investment ever. This is more akin to gambling. My father would disagree. He would say this is the safest investment because there is nothing to lose but a whole lot to win if it turns out someone up there was counting. He would say there is no time to lose either, for you can always pray in your heart and that prayers are soothing, it's a win win situation. My father who I am sure will end up in paradise, if he had a winning bet, is my free ticket to paradise too, for it wouldn't be a paradise for him if he knew I am burning in hell. Right dad?

No I am not worried.

When I was a kid, I used to ask my father: what if, what if, just what if, there is no God. Compared to my questions that started with the "what if" back then, this was probably the easiest, though before I finished the first "what if", he would have said "here we go again". He said: I would then just wish there was a God. He was probably looking for a certain justice up there that he doesn't see around him down here. I am not even sure, that deep down, my father is a believer, I think he just wishes there would be some form of justice somewhere.

Another time, I asked him, what if God was evil? He said: you know what... I don't care if God was a TV (he was actually staring at the TV) then he moved his eyes, or a fridge. I think whatever he is, how could he have created such an annoying girl! Maybe he didn't say that, but, I imagine he thought of it. He must have borrowed something from Imam Ali that got me thinking for a while.

One day, I was maybe 10, I asked the nun at school: Why did God create us? She said: so that we worship him. I said something like: why does he need people to worship him, he has such a low self esteem! She said: there is hell for people like you, and kicked me out of class.

I went home and I said: dad, what if, what if... the nun was right...

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