At the end of the Tunnel

Dear sectarian Lebanese people, those celebrating and those lamenting alike, amid those comi-tragic moments that you are all passing through, I bring you good news. Cheer up, the end of the tunnel is near. Dear Maronites, Christian Orthodox, Sunni, Shia, Alawites, Armenians, Druze etc. etc. etc. worry not for soon you will have a new sectarian government that will be more sectarian than ever so that it represents you all. It will be much more balanced than you have ever had so that it preserves your national unity, and it will be much more retarded than it had ever ever been so that it can respond to all your concerns and address your fears. Dear Christians, fear not, for this government will impose contraceptives on all Muslims. Dear pious Lebanese, fear not because art control and media censorships will be imposed stricter than ever not to scratch your feelings (in the meantime use your remote control devices). The next government is one that has learned from the lessons of the past. It will not allow a soul to dare insult your sectarian leader or religious figure. It will impose on buses and cabs to dangle crosses and crescents from their rear-view mirrors to give you a choice in which to ride. There will be equal Christian transportation means as Muslim ones, and there will be mixed ones too with a cross and a crescent embracing for those who have reached higher levels of co-existence and brotherhood, for the new Government will give you a choice. So why the long faces? Cheer up, the end of the tunnel is near.